Bognor Regis Girls

I've never felt particularly proud of being born in Bognor Regis. Mum and dad ran this shop in Argyle Road but I have no early memories of it as we moved to Newquay when I was still a baby. Consequently, I grew up feeling a strong association with Cornwall — an association strengthened still more when a respected local historian declared me to be Cornish.  "But I was born in Bognor," I sadly pointed out. "Rubbish," he replied, "Of course you're Cornish!"

© Google Street View

King George V must take a lot of the blame for my antipathy towards Bognor. The story goes that his majesty's health was poor after a lung operation, so he was advised to spend time convalescing in the health-imparting sea airs of Bognor. He famously replied: "Oh bugger Bognor!"

Fifty years were destined to pass before I returned to Bognor Regis. Mum and dad's shop had become an Indian restaurant, and very nice it was too. I showed the proprietor my old photo, explained my connection, and was given complimentary drinks to go with my excellent meal.

Standing outside, the following morning, it wasn't hard to imagine throngs of happy holiday makers calling in at the shop to buy food in preparation for a day on the nearby beach. Incidentally, dad once told me that the tyre inner tube in the old photo was being sold as a beach ring. In those early post-war years, purpose-made beach items were presumably in short supply.

Here are three of my photos from that return visit.

To Cornish eyes the beach is uninspiring and the pier has little to offer in comparison with the fine headlands of Newquay. Nonetheless, there is a certain tranquil beauty there, which has recently inspired me to think better of my birthplace. It was whilst soaking in the bath last night that a song came to me, in praise of Bognor.  It has a certain Beach Boys quality to it, don't you think?

Well, London girls are hip, I really dig those styles they wear

and the Scottish girls with the way they talk

they knock me out when I'm up there.

The Cornish farmers' daughters really make you feel alright

and the Forest girls with the way they kiss

they keep their boyfriends warm at night

[Chorus]

I wish they all could be Bognor Regis,

I wish they all could be Bognor Regis,

I wish they all could be Bognor Regis Girls

Bognor Regis Girl